WEEK 4

DOES GENDER/ SEX MATTER (in families)? First let’s talk about the nature vs nurture and generalized concept of male and females. Very frequently we see the generalization we have on males and females even at an early age. For example, at baby showers there is a gender reveal if you cut into the cake and see blue than BOOM everyone understands that you’re having a boy! Same applies to the color pink. Here is a list of all the things we can observe from very early an age about boys and girls:

MALES

- Physical

- Violence, aggression

- Special orientation (good with directions)

- Late in development with language.

- Less communication skills

FEMALES

- Social

- Socially violent

- Relationally (direction based off landmarks)

- Earlier in developing language skills

- Earlier in communication

Studies find that these are common skills that both genders have, and it has created a new trend of defining “Toxic masculinity” and “Toxic femininity”.

What is Toxic masculinity?

A set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole. I believe the cause of masculinity in a toxic is men growing up in homes where emotion for men is unacceptable and frowned upon causing men to be emotionally undeveloped or masking their emotions (sometimes) with violence, because some men have been told to not cry and have “weak” emotions they don’t know how to handle others’ emotions which is found as toxic.

What is toxic femininity?

Toxic femininity is essentially a way for women to sabotage others by using her traditionally feminine qualities. It is where a woman’s response to a long-standing threat of failure, under-appreciation, or a need to prove herself over her male peers reacts by resenting the women around her who are fighting the same battles. This can take many forms such as gossip and social exclusion of the women around. Because toxic femininity isn’t simple and straightforward, it is rather hard to explain and define it.

In one of my studies classes a gentlemen said this “Women are trying harder to be queens because men don’t treat them the appropriate way, so the women go out of their way to prove they don’t need men.”

Now let’s talk about the brain of both genders.

MALE

- Grey matter (storage)

- Better at Integrating things

- Box theory (waffle)

- Less significant memory

- “The nothing box”

FEMALE

- White matter (connectors)

- Understands emotions

- Accurately identify emotions

- Connections

- Communications

My favorite analogy is the waffles and spaghetti concept. Waffles resembling the male’s brain and a bowl of spaghetti resembling the female’s brain. Men’s brains are alike waffles due to their box thinking, very often men can only focus on one thing at a time Men have a box for every subject they’ve ever studied and a box for every event they ever cared enough to try remembering. When a man wants to discuss a subject, he will find the appropriate box, open it up, and discuss everything that they can about that one subject. Within these boxes on a waffle there is a “nothing box” where Most men, if given the choice, will always default to their nothing box. This is why men are able to do such brain-dead activities without being bored (fishing, video games, tv, stare off into nothingness space, etc.) And a man’s favorite method for coping with stress is to go to his nothing box. Women on the other hand, have a bowl of spaghetti where everything is touching and connected and jumbled up. Women’s brains are constantly thinking and moving that’s why it is so hard for women to understand and allow the concepts of a mans “nothing box”. Once men and women understand the brains of another, they can strengthen their relationships.

This last week I had helped a friend by explaining this concept to her when she was struggling with her fiancé and the difference it had on their relationship was exceptional. They were able to communicate their personal stresses to another after they learned about the different ways their brains work which is something they haven’t been able to do in a while. The both of them came to me after the week was over and thanked me for showing them that they can work together now knowing their differences.